Wednesday, August 6, 2014

This is who I am...

I am a very paper organized person. 

I like goals.  I like lists.  I like to make deadlines and due dates… 

The problem I seem to have is actually following those goals after I put down my pen. 

If I went through my house and gathered up all the goal lists I have ever made…  well that would be pointless, because most of them are probably lost in my cluttered mess I like to call my bedroom.  Anyway, if I did it would be a mile high.  If from that stack I pulled all the lists I had completed at least half of the items on, I would probably end up with a less than 10%. 
Long story short, I’m a planner, not a doer.  

Just take a look at my old blog “The Imaginative Whimsy”… That basically describes the blog.  I had one post.  ONE POST!!!  (may I just add that the post said “I plan to blog at least once a week”)  HA!  That’s funny. 

I have major OCD issues with perfection.  Not only does my life have to be perfect, I have to be perfect.  That means: no mess-ups, no sinning, NOTHING short of perfect.

So I have a problem.  I have BIG goals, but I will never meet them as quickly, tidily, or as perfectly as I planned. 

This is my “perfect” life I had planned for myself:  a tidy room, a perfect high school experience, to be beautiful every stinking moment, and to be an expert in all the conquests I set out to learn, to name a few: horsemanship, piano, ballet, guitar, voice, sewing, sculpting, painting, acting (I should have two Grammys by now), drawing, rabbit raising, blogging, writing, movie making…  The list goes on. 

Basically, I am the worst type of perfectionist. 

I try to make my life perfect, which is never going to happen.

Plus, if I did meet all these goals…  Where would I need Jesus? 

If I didn’t mess up.  Had, what I considered, a perfect life, where would I need Him?

Long story short.  I’m not perfect.  I will NEVER be perfect.  And that’s OKAY.

Because the ONE who is, is always right beside me.